Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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