That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
