Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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