I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
