I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize