i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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