I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
