this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
