there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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