gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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