Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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