I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
