at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
