My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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