If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
