i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
