Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
