just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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