I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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