I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
