i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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