I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
