I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
