i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
