just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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