Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I want her autograph on my taint
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he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
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Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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