I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
