had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
