I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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