Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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