My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
