it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
