a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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