I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
