omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
