last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
