it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
