lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
