totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I'm really busy with my period
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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