check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
