They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
