He had one of those small greek statue penises
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
