when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
