I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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