you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
