I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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