the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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