My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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