so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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