I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
