Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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