This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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