I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
