It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
