Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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