Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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