Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
