I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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