I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
