The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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