hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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