there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
