hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
