No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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