Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
