There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
