How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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