sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
