My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
