apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
