So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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