She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
