There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
