i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
