I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
