i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize