thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
