So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
