the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
